Month: May 2015

Rambles of Adoption

Its amazing to me that before I placed Ryker for adoption, I never really knew anything about it, now that I have gone through it myself its like adoption surrounds me. A few weeks ago I was watching Juno which I have seen before but it tugged at my heart strings a lot more. After Juno had her baby and she laid in her hospital bed crying I started crying, I mean really crying. I knew what it is like to say goodbye to your baby, but unlike her I didnt say goodbye forever.

Like I said its like adoption surrounds me, like the universe or God is telling me to look for it or its brought to me. I was behind a lady at the store , what made me look at her was her tattoos, the one that caught my eye in particular was the tattoo she had on the back of her neck it was the adoption triad symbol. My driving instructor that took me out on my driving test yesterday told me that her sons kids were placed for adoption, but she doesnt have contact with them . She cried and cried and told me her story and at the end she looked me in the eye and said i did the most beautiful thing anyone could ever do, that she had that option once but she chose to get a abortion instead.

It makes me sad that adoption is never placed in anyones minds as something they can do.  They fear that there only option is, is to be judged by being pregnant at the wrong time so in turn they just get a abortion because thats all they know they can do . It makes me sad that all these birth moms or birth parents fear that the adoptive family will put bad images of them in the kids eyes, or that they will never see there birth child again. Its not like that any more. Or maybe im just delusional because Rykers adoptive family has reassured me time and time again that, that will never happen to me. They text me give me updates weekly, i get pictures, we skype, they came out and visited and they even go out of their way to see how im doing and if im ok. They make me feel like im apart of their family.

Adoption isnt easy it is hard and i know it will always be hard. Yesterday when I was holding Ryker my oldest son Noah came up to me and asked me if I was Rykers mommy. I really didnt know what to say to him because there is no education on what to say to your child, what to say to anyone. Yes, I am Rykers mommy in spirit, i carried him i nourished him I gave him life, but I am not his parent.  Adoption is something I feel like needs to be spread around more, it needs to become the solution instead of the fear, it needs to be known to everyone that its not a horrible thing, that its the most loving thing you can do for your child and their parents. Its like that saying it takes a village to raise a child, in open adoption you become a village of people, friends, parents that want nothing more then to better the life of a your child.


“Children and mothers never truly part, bound together by the beating of one another heart” Charlotte Grey

Mother’s day.

Mother’s day is the day all mommies look forward to. A special day to celebrate all the hard work and dedication they give to their babies on a daily basis. Flowers, cards and a day to relax and take a break. A truly wonderful day.

But for a mother who child was taken from them, it completely different.

Today is the first Mother’s day since my son has passed away and it is heartbreaking. I don’t really feel like a mom, I know that I am but since my son isn’t here, it makes me realize that I’m alone. I have no baby to hold and celebrate the good work I have done. I feel so empty. I see all these posts about how being a mom is the best job in the world and how they wouldn’t change a thing and here I am not knowing how that feels. I’m a mom but have no idea what being a mom feels like.  I want to know what that feeling feels like.. Today’s another reminder that my son isn’t here and he isn’t coming back. A reminder that every holiday I’m going to feel this way. I will remain empty and alone in a sense.

Today, be sure to say Happy Mother’s day to every mom out there. Including the mother who lost their babies due to miscarriage, infant loss and to any mother who has lost their child. Today is a very hard to any woman who has suffered a loss. Because all today for us is a reminder, a horrible and heart wrenching reminder.

Happy Mother’s day to every incredible mom out there. May your day be blessed and full of love.


Mothers Day

Sunday May 10th will be my 8th year celebrating Mothers Day and Saturday May 9th will be my very first year celebrating Birth Moms Day. Just like any new experience or first, I have a sense of fear and sadness. Birth Moms Day was established in 1990 by a group of birthmothers in Seattle Washington who recognized that Mothers Day is hard for birth moms and wanted to dedicate a day to recognize the beauty of adoption. I wear the birthmom title proudly and encourage all birth moms to do something special for themselves on Saturday 🙂 I know our children’s adoptive moms will be celebrating Mothers Day proudly whether its their first like Eva’s mom or their tenth. And we, as birth moms made that family possible. We should be so proud of the deed we did, we truly were these moms angels on earth <3 Love to you all Beth