Constantly my heart beats faster than it should be. It’s like it’s trying to make up for the skipped beats it missed when I had my heart murmur. My lungs are so full all the time, I try getting some of the air out but it’s like the air is stuck and has no way of escaping. It’s like my entire body is trying to escape from this shell, but it’s trapped. I am fighting with myself daily, if you could peak into my head you would see a constant battle, numerous “lives” lost and yet no one ever wins. Warm tears trickle down my cheek almost daily because I’m broken and have no way of fixing myself. I try every day, I try to trudge forward to be positive to escape this reality that I seem to put myself in. I’ve walked this circle over and over again, but I can’t find the break in the tree’s to lead me down a different path.  I drag a piece of my heart behind me where it might forever stay, I even sewed an R into it reminding me why it’s there.  My ears ring with the constant reminders of my past my future and even my present. I hold a decent composer I hide what’s inside, I have other lives to care for so I push them deep inside.  My kids are the light that shines down on me they are the glow everyone sees. They’re the light that  I follow and the reason that I try.