Month: February 2016

1 Year Later


It will be a year next Saturday that Ryker was born. Its really hard to believe that its been a year. This past year has been a roller coaster of emotions, and each day I realize something different about my life and the reasoning’s on why I am where I am at.  Like I have stated before I knew from the moment I found out I was pregnant with Ryker that I was not meant to be his mother, and that his parents were out there and were looking for him. In this last year Rykers parents have made it very clear to me that they were the best decision I could of made for Ryker.  I love that they have kinda adopted me and my family as well, in the sense that they try to include us in as much as possible. Ryker is now a model for Zulilly so if you ever have a chance, like around Easter check him out he is very adorable. He crawls and is trying to walk. He gets excited every time we skype, mainly because he is at that age where everything is exciting haha. He calls his parents DEDE cause he cant say daddy yet, which I find adorable. He has his dads wrapped around his tiny little finger and gets very jealous if they hold another kid. HE is very very smart and everyone loves him, Im not just saying that cause im his birthmother its true. I love seeing Ryker but a year later  saying goodbye is no easier. Its not just hard saying goodbye to Ryker but his parents as well, because they have become like older brothers/ good friends/ family that I never really had growing up and its sad cause they are the only family that visits.  Last week the kids and I got to see them in person and it was great and helped put some feelings at ease.






Adoption is different for everyone. I think its important for me to tell you that my story is not the same as any other birthmothers story, each one is uniquely their own.
Not everything goes as planned and yes sometimes feelings get hurt. I want you all to know, just like any relationship the most important thing you can do is be honest with one another and communicate. Its also important for everyone to step in the others shoes and realize the reason they have done what they have done, and why they are where they are at now. At the beginning of the adoption process every emotion comes to play on both sides, fear, happiness, anger, and sad.  For an adoptive couple adopting a baby is their answers to becoming parents, to birthparents adoption is the answer that their child will be taken care of. I have noticed a lot in adoption that adoptive parents words have not been honored, and it can hurt the birthmother a lot, they feel lied to and deceived and its devastating; however, stepping back I can kinda understand why the adoptive parents dont keep their words.  For them they struggle with fertility, or have miscarried or their child has passed away, as an adoptive couple there is always that thought that at any time the birth parents can change their mind and take their baby back, thats a fear that most parents have but its stronger in parents who lost or cant have babies. They are fearful and sometimes fear overcomes them and all they can think to do is take the reason for that fear out of their lives. Im not saying its right but it happens and I want you to know that.  Stepping into the adoption process be honest and communicate be clear and respectful to one another, because at the end of the day all of you are apart of that child’s life, and like any parents whether its step parents, adoptive parents, birthparents or just parents, the common goal is to do whats best for that child.



Social Media

Lets face the facts, we are a culture that is ran on social media. Social media is the place where we share pictures and update family and friends we dont see often. Social media has replaced the ways we meet people, the way we talk and the way we approach every day situations.  Social media has become the vessel that keeps everyone in the know. However social media has also become the platform to drag one another down. Its amazing to see how much negative emotions are spread around the world wide web. Its amazing how, Im sorry to say it, but how dumb social media has formed people into. People spread pictures or memes of current events that are twisted into ways that arent fully the truth but many people believe they are. Social media has made us so we dont learn about the facts just accept them as they are forwarded.  Social media is the place everyone turns to when someone gets shot or are fighting, videos are posted and the hate just spreads and spreads. I find it really interesting that more hate is spread then positive.  So I have made it my goal to only post positive things. My life in the eyes of social media may seem like its amazing but, its just like everyone else. There are days I feel defeated and that everyone and everything is against me but who am I to spread that negative and bring everyone into that negative space I am in? Ive come to the conclusion that life is endless suffering because we cant just accept things the way they are and make it our mission to get more. All you have is now this moment in time and even this moment is already in the past why dwell on it why spread that one negative moment that is now lost forever time, it  is gone there is no taking it back so stop thinking about it and stop spreading it.
I use my facebook to boast about my children and to spread the positive. Its amazing how reading positive can affect people you dont really talk to. In the last week I have been privetly messaged by two different people that I haven’t talked to since high school, telling me that they love how positive I am and how I look at life and that I am a inspiration and their reason that they have a slightly better day.  Social media has the power to change people for the better we just have to be the better that the world needs.