2 months doesnt seem like a long time but it really is. 61 days have passed since the day I gave birth to Ryker, 54 days have passed since he got out of NICU and 50 days have passed since he went home to Seattle with his dads. Some days are still harder then others, but  I am learning how to push pass the negative feelings. My brother got us a kitten so it really has helped with the aspect of not having a baby around. When we first got him I had to wake up every 3 hours to feed him out of a syringe and take him to the bathroom, I had to teach him how to play and eat and climb and use all his animal instincts, yes I know a kitten isnt a human baby but having him around makes it feel like there is a baby in the house. I still miss not having a baby to fall asleep on me and its still hard every time Noah asks to see his brother, or if his brother can go to the park with us, its still hard when ever we go to Wal-Mart and Noah picks out toys and clothes for Ryker cause he wants to give them to him, its still hard when Nathaniel grabs the picture of Ryker and carries it around asking where he is. Sometimes its hard when people ask how many kids I have and when I tell them they ask to see him and I have to watch the confusion in their faces as I explain that I placed him for adoption. Sometimes it gets annoying having to explain the same story over and over again, sometimes it gets annoying when people say “I dont know how you could do that, I could never do that” Sometimes I feel my heart breaking when I see other people who are pregnant and are bringing their babies home cause I didnt get to do that, and sometimes i feel stupid feeling that because I got to bring two babies home already. Every day I look at pictures of all three of my kids with amazement that I was the one that created life for them for 9 months, and continue doing so for 2 of them. I love getting updates on Ryker so far he has gone a boat, been to the beach, went to Washington state capitol to advocate women right to breastfeed in public, next month he is going to be flying on a plane out here to Colorado to visit with his Grandma for her birthday. Im so happy he has so much adventure in his life and the days I feel down I just look at the pictures his dads send me they are a constant reminder that he is doing great and he is loved.  I have learned that its best to try and keep my mind busy to think that Ryker isnt here with us, and  right now my days are pretty busy taking care of the kids and house, and mentoring fellow birthmoms, and helping friends host online parties to help their businesses out. Life is going good the best it can go right now, I am happy with everything. Im so excited for next month to be here so I can see Ryker and Nick and Kris and hopefully get pictures done of all 3 of the boys (Noah, Nathaniel and Ryker).

-Kedra-