Jealousy- the act of being envious or resentful of someone’s good fortune.

Selfish- concerned exclusively with ones self.

I despise those two words and feelings and normally am not normally either of them. However, ever since I chose adoption for Eva when I was 3 months pregnant, I find myself jealous often. jealous of my friends who were pregnant along side of me, who were able to take their babies home. Jealous of Eva’s mom and dad who get to hug and kiss her everyday and jealous of all the little ones I see throughout the days and I miss my angel.  And then a wave of selfishness and embarrassment wash over me.  See I have 2 wonderful boys I am parenting and I dont have the right to be jealous. I chose adoption. It was my choice. So many wonderful couples cant have a child of their own so how can I be jealous. What right do I have? So many emotions wash over me through the day. But through it all, I am grateful. Grateful to family and friends who have never wavered in their support for me. Grateful for the community of other birth moms I have met, who lift me up on my dark days. And lastly but most importantly, grateful for the 3 beautiful children I gave life to.