The question I get asked all the time is why did you give your son up. I “gave him up” because I knew deep down I could not support another child. Diapers, formula, clothes, everything that goes into raising a child I could not afford.
I dropped out of high school 2 months into my Junior year. I got my GED when Noah was a few months old. To get somewhere in life you have to have more then a GED. Its sad that the only jobs I can get is minimum wage and there is no way to support a family on minimum wage. I thought that my husband working and me staying home would be enough. But the reality of life is, its not enough. We live pay check to pay check and we never have the extra money we would like to do the things we would like for our family. Seeing Ryker enjoying boat trips, and family vacations makes me disappointed in myself, because I cant do that for my other two kids. I need change I need to better myself so I can better my future for my kids.
Last month I decided to sign up for school. Today is the first day of orientation and next week I start the journey to earn my bachelor of science in human services,and get my family and child services certificate. The next 4 years are going to be long, they are going to take a lot of dedication and self discipline. I know this is what I have to do, so Noah and Nathaniel can have the life I always saw my family having.
These first few months are going to be hard, not only do I have to get into the swing of going to class and completing homework, at the end of next month Rykers adoption is finalized and that is going to play a big emotional role in my life. I know right now I say im fine, but who know how im going to be doing then. I have stay strong and know I made the right decision. I just hope that I make my kids proud, all of them not just the ones I parent. I hope one day Ryker will look back and realize that I didnt have my life together when he was conceived and even after he was born. Placing Ryker was the heart break I needed to get my life together.