I know it’s been awhile since I have written anything , writing has never been something I was good at. So I gave it a break.
It has been almost five months since my son Arlo passed away. I still don’t know why he is gone and I beginning to think I may never know. I am still trying to accept and come to peace with everything. This has definitely been the moat uncertain and confusing time in my life. Like a popular quote many of you would know “ you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.” It’s the truest of true. Since that tragic day, I am nowhere near the person I was before. That day my entire world came crashing down in the matter of minutes. That pain I felt was so unreal and nearly 5 months later that pain remains. Not as strong as before but no matter what and how many months or years, that scar will always remain. Day by day I try and take little steps to move on. I try and remind myself that something good is coming. That everything happens for a reason, even if you don’t understand it. I try and think about my future, like going to college and chasing my dreams or getting married one day and trying to start a family. Get the second chance to be a mom. I also try not to get ahead of myself but I’m working on that still. Trying to move on isn’t me trying to forget about my son or that day. He will no matter what hold a very big spot in my heart, of course, he’s my son, my love for him is infinite. Because of everything and all the pain and suffering I have been through these last months, I have become a totally new person. I have changed in a lot of small different ways. I see the world differently and have a bigger appreciation for life and how really precious it is. ( I know that sounds cheesy but it’s true) Things like death of a loved one or child changes you. I am lucky to have such a amazing support system and my loving family. They make the hard days a little easier. That’s what I suggest, when you are hurting, surround yourself with friends and loved ones. Even when you don’t want to be around anyone. It helps you take your mind off things and relax a little. It’s good for you and it’s okay to smile and laugh.
” Wear your tragedies like armor, not shackles.”