Question: How did you do it?
Answer: From the start I knew it was something I had to do. I couldnt sit there and say that I was capable of parenting another child. Nate was barley a year old when I found out I was pregnant. I prayed for days looking for answers if this was the right decision and often asked myself through out the entire pregnancy, even after I met Nick and Kris if this was the right decision. I guess I just had the feeling, mothers intuition that Ryker deserved, parents who could do and give him everything he deserved. Its not like I didnt have a hard time at all, I still have a hard time with it, sometimes i feel guilty and confused but looking at pictures and skyeping with him I know I made the best decision ever for him. It took a lot of courage and love to do what I did what any birthmom does but with that love she makes a new family and a new adventure for not only her child but for herself as well.
Question: Is it hard? Do you ever regret it?
Answer: It is hard every day its hard, waking up with two kids instead of 3 sometimes it doesnt feel complete but its getting easier. Its hard having friends have babies and bringing them home and posting pictures and watching their love grow as a family. Sometimes I want to start trying to have a baby but then I remember why I placed Ryker, im not ready for another baby. I never regret my decision of placing Ryker, i often regret that I didnt bound with him during pregnancy or bound with him at the hospital but I dont regret giving him a family that waited so long for him and are able to be the parents that i wish i could of been to him.
Question: Why did you give him up?
Answer: First off I hate this question the most. I didnt give my son up. You give up junk food, you give up staying up late and drinking soda you dont give up your child. Saying this makes me feel like i just said ok im done with you go stay with this family. I chose to place him for adoption because I conceived him with a boy that i didnt love and I wasnt dating, at the time i was separated from my husband i didnt want to have to deal with two baby daddies, and I couldnt afford another child, i couldnt give him the attention he needed, i couldnt give him everything he deserved or needed. If i did bring another baby home I couldnt give my other two kids everything the deserved or needed cause there would of been another baby at the house. I wasnt ready for another baby mentally, physically or emotionally. As much as i wish I could of parented Ryker I knew he deserved better.
Question: Why did you choose a gay couple? Arent you worried that he will grow up to be gay?
Answer: I didnt choose Nick and Kris because they were gay, I chose them because we had a lot in common. We had a lot of the same beliefs the same interest and same loves. I chose them because I wanted Ryker to be raised by people who were similar to me and my family. I chose them because they werent capable of having children of their own and I felt like they deserved it they deserved to be parents and raise a child that will change the world in some aspect. I chose them because I felt a connection to them as soon as we started talking and felt a deeper connection as soon as I met them in person. I dont see them as gay I see them as two people who are in love and who have been in love for years, I see them as two people who enjoy having fun, who love to laugh and go on adventures, who love cooking and Christmas and refurbishing houses and old things. And no I am not worried about Ryker being gay, God created him how he wanted him to be and if he is gay he already is, its who Ryker wants to be, its who he falls in love with and who he is attracted to, Im not going to love him any less if he is attracted to guys. When we find out if he is straight or gay no worry or regret will go through my mind. Just like if my other two boys are gay i wont love them any less, i wont kick them out and disown them. I grew up in a diverse family having a gay child will just make it even more diverse and I love that.
Question: Is it hard still being apart of Rykers life?
Answer: No its not hard I actually think its easier, I dont have to go the rest of my life wondering what he looks like, how he is doing, if he knows about me etc because its an open adoption and his parents want me to be apart of his life.
Question: Is he going to call you mom?
Answer: No he is going to call me Kedra,or KeKe or whatever he wants to call me and whatever his parents are ok with im calling me. He knows and will always know that I am his mother though.
Question: Well since you put Ryker up for adoption, are you going to have any more kids? Arent you worried that Ryker will wonder why you had another one after him and didnt place them for adoption?
Answer: At this moment of time I dont know if my husband and I are going to have any more kids. We have discussed it and we will wait 5 years and after that time if we want another we will try if we dont then im just going to get my tubes tied. I sometimes worry if Ryker will question why I kept another child after him (if i have another) but I think he will understand that (if) we have another child it would be the right time and we will be a little more stable at the time.
IF you have any more questions about Adoption, Open adoption or any questions about my adoption process please feel free to ask, I am a open book.