You know that song by Fort Minor? It goes “Where did you go, I miss you so It seems like forever since youve been gone, please come back home”
This song popped up on my Pandora this morning, it brought tears to my eyes. I miss Ryker I havent seen him in 2 weeks and it seems like forever. Him and his dads are adjusting to life as a family of 3 and life back in Seattle. I know adjusting to a baby is hard because of the lack of sleep and trying to start a schedule and so on. I never thought it would be hard for me to adjust to not having a baby. I think as a women your body prepares for a baby for 10 months so when you come home with out one it throws your body all out of whack. I get up through out the night as if a baby is waking me up to feed him, my boobs are consistently leaking even still 3 weeks later apparently that is supposed to stop after 5 days of not feeding, I havent breastfed once so I have no idea why they still are, but i feel like its my bodies way of saying “uh hey something is missing here” I have my hard days as anyone would who is going through this, but Seeing Ryker with his dads melts my heart and brings a certain joy in me knowing that I was the one to help complete their family, and makes me wish I could do that for every parent who is waiting to have a baby through the agency. Like the movie The Delivery Man where Vince Voughn donates his sperm and they used all of it and he ended up with 500 kids, I would so do that, carry a baby for all 7 families waiting. But since I dont think I could put myself through that 7 different times, I pray and hope they are able to find birth mothers out there who are courages enough to place her baby for adoption. Willing to break her heart to fix the heart of others, to give her child the life she always wanted for them.