Our year is coming to an end. Soon 2015 will turn into 2016, normally that wouldn’t mean anything to me; however this year it means a lot to me. This year has been so full of emotions, battles and wars, within myself. I have pulled myself into a hole, I have walked the same tired circle over and over again. I have cried myself to sleep and wished for something different. In this time I have found myself. I have found who I want to be and where I want to be. In a years time I have confronted my demons and banned them away. In a years time I have grown mentally and have become stronger then I ever have. So when the clock strikes 12 on New Years Eve I wonder if I will be satisfied with how i lived my life?  Will I be happy with where I am at? Will i have any regrets? Will i wish for something better?

The stroke of midnight isn’t like in the fairy tales, your carriage wont turn into a pumpkin, your elegant horses wont turn into tiny mice, it’s the opposite. The stroke of midnight is when everything vanishes, it’s a clean slate. Its there for you to exhale the negative and inhale the positive. Its when you start your journey to accomplish your resolutions. The stroke of midnight isn’t the end to your fairy tale it’s the start. It’s the new chapter to this book we call life. The stroke of midnight is a promise of new beginnings and you’re supposed to make the best of it, so when you wake up the next morning its your new chance.

The stroke of midnight is when I will be in the arms of the man I love, he will embrace me and kiss me tenderly with the promise that our love will grow stronger and more compassionate every day. At the stroke of midnight I will look around my house see the miscellaneous toys scattered around the floor and remember all the times I have picked them up, and instead of finding the annoyance in it I will be grateful.  I will stand outside stare at the stars and think of Ryker. I will remember holding him in the hospital and letting him go and I will wish that this new year, his second year of life will bring him even more joy. I will go upstairs and secretly tuck my kids in give them a kiss on their forehead and truly suck in all the positive they have brought to my life. I will crawl into bed cozy up in the warmth of my husband and fall asleep with dreams and aspirations of the New Year.

The stroke of midnight will be my first chance to the new year to do what I want, to be the change that I want, and to have the time of my life. The stroke of midnight will be the start to this fairy tale. My fairy tale as a birth mother, a mother, a wife, a daughter and a sister. The stroke of midnight is my new start and yours.  Lets make the best of it, lets ring it in right.

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year.

Thank you to all who have helped me through this year, you all have helped me become the person that i am now, thank you.