” Just when we think we’ve figured things out, the universe throw us a curveball. So we have to improvise. We find happiness in unexpected places. We find our way back to the things that matter the most.The universe is funny that way; sometimes it just has a way of making sure we wind up exactly where we belong.”
When I was younger, I would daydream that by 23 or something, I would have just be finishing up college and living on my own with the man I loved but life had different plans, way different. I am aware that I am less what some people prefer me to be, but most people are unaware that I am so much more than what they see. I have fought hard to become the woman I am today and though I am far from being perfect or where I’d like to be in life, I’m still fighting. The curveballs that life has thrown at me this last year has truly made me a stronger person. Though there are days that are still tough and I still struggle to sometimes put a smile on my face, I still somehow manage the strength to get up in the morning and get ready and do the things I need to do and right now, that’s pretty damn impressive. I wouldn’t change a thing that has happened to me. Being pregnant with Arlo made me appreciate the little miracles in life and showed me how precious even the smallest things were. I found out who my real friends were and made incredible editions to my family and even met the love of my life and best friend. I thank Arlo for all that. Losing him made me appreciate life and taught me to hold onto the ones you loved even tighter because you never know when you’ll have to say goodbye.
This weekend was probably the first time I felt normal again, more myself. I had a lot of laughs, went out and had a few drinks, enjoyed life and the beautiful weather. I got to spend all Saturday with Stefan, had a lunch date and had a dinner and a movie night at home, just the way I liked it. Because of our new work schedules and living 50 miles from each other, I don’t get to see him much anymore. So having the whole weekend with him made me really happy and helped me relax a little after the tough week I had. Sunday, him and I met up with Steve and Christiane for lunch. I haven’t seen them since Arlo’s funeral and I really missed their sweet faces. We met in downtown Denver and hit a couples of bars and had a few drink and caught up. It’s incredible to me that even though I was unable to give them the child they always wanted, they still loved me the same. Those feeling they had for me never changed. It felt the same like when I was pregnant and I loved that. I adore those two, they truly are amazing and kind hearted people. This weekend will be one that I will always remember and I cant wait for many more fun weekends with them in the future.
“I don’t feel shy anymore. I think that part of me is gone. I’ve felt pain in a different way, I am definitely not the same person and I’m okay with that.”